  |
  |
  |
  |
  |
  |
  |
  |
| This I Believe |
|
Page 2 of 4 I tried very hard in the first few days to see my
unexpected time off as a gift. How often does one get the chance to
wake up every day and have very little on the agenda but to feel good?
I would go to the gym, but whereas I used to be a demon on the
treadmill, now I was a snail. Slow, slow, slow. Where I used to have
energy, now I was fatigued just lying down. I thought I would read a
lot of books. However, I would open a good novel and not be able to
concentrate. I would turn on the radio, then shut if off because I
could not find something to soothe me. My beautiful husband would try
to find diversions, but I had no wish to be around friends, or to leave
the farm. The familiar clouds of darkness were gathering above my
head, and I couldn’t head them off with a pill or a movie or a walk.
I tried to remember that the doctors said I would feel unwell for a while. Someone even reminded me that “it’s not cancer”, in order to help me find perspective. The gift of this unexpected time was becoming a curse, turning into anxiety, fear and self-loathing. All of the ingredients of the darkness that is depression. It had come on so quickly, like a freight train. Sometimes, it’s the smile of a stranger that helps. Sometimes it’s a phone call from a long absent friend, just checking on you. Sometimes it’s the familiar routine of a day that just barely propels you forward. Whatever it is, it is worth reaching out for, like a lifeline. I found it at the grocery store.
|
Play Songs from "The Calling"
The Calling, Mary Chapin’s new album, in stores now!
For latest news and updates, sign up for the MCC mailing list